Incidentally, you also have less time for blogging, hence the length of this much overdue update.
However, back to the point. You don't feel ready, everyone else seems to be doing so much more preparation than you are, and you suddenly feel as though you've learned nothing and fear sets in.
Well, that's not necessarily true. My first exam was worth so little of the overall mark that I honestly couldn't have cared less about it. It was completely mechanical. I covered two topics of the several it had been suggested we look at, I went into the room - which was hot and had no windows, I might add! - and I wrote about them. The topics, that is. Not the humidity and the lack of windows. As riveting as that would have been. I left and was glad it was over. Whether or not the marker was happy to read my answers remains to be seen though.
But the second exam was different.The questions on the texts we studied could literally have been on any subject or theme, so it was difficult to feel you had covered all bases in the very likely event of a curve ball. As usual, I went in feeling uprepared - although still slightly more prepared than some people - and chose my questions. I didn't think any of the questions were fantastic. Then again, they also weren't terrible. They were just okay. I suppose that's better than nothing. Then again, my answers might not match the questions in being just okay. They might be rotten. I'll just have to hope for a kind marker or one with very low expectations. ;)
The last exam was the best. Well, not "the best": I wasn't jumping up and down with excitement over it, you understand, but it was definitely the best of a bad bunch. We had been given the question beforehand and all we had to do was prepare an essay then write it under exam conditions. At first it was a terrifying prospect, but once I started to think about my essay and research the texts I had chosen to analyse, it became interesting, and - shock horror - fun.
Other people in my class had decided to learn whole essays, word for word in some cases. I admire them for that, but there's no way I could have done it. I have a good memory, but I'd much rather learn bullet points than an entire essay. It sounds foolproof, but what happens if you forget full chunks of your answer? Sure, that could happen with bullet points, but at least with those, you could probably still salvage your response. An entire chunk of text could be vital, and if you draw a blank, there's no time to come up with a replacement section when the clock's ticking and you have so much more to remember and get down on the page.
But enough nightmare scenarios. As I said, the final exam went well. I felt totally prepared - for once - and as I scribbled down my memorised plan - look, ma, no bullet point forgotten! - and began my introduction, I felt myself going into full flow and actually liking what I was writing. I finished it with about five minutes to spare and was really proud of myself. I never finish exams in time! I always write one really long essay then maybe half finish the second. I'd rather write one completed, very good essay and one incomplete, potentially very good essay than dash through both and wind up with two average essays.
My finishing in time may have something to do with us only having to write one essay for that exam, but still. I'm proud of what I wrote and I hope the marker likes it too. Of course this could all go tits up if it turns out what I wrote is complete garbage, but at least I gave it my best shot, and came up with some ideas which I thought were good.
And now I'm free! No more exams! Until third year, at least. Or August for resits, if it has, in fact, all gone horrendously wrong. Although regardless of how I've done, there's no point brooding over it. It's done and there's nothing I can do to change what I wrote now.
Unless anyone has access to a time machine? :)
*Image credit: Sangrea
